Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Rats On A Lap

Star of Ratatouille or Paris Hilton's new fur accessory?

I just thought you all should know... I hate tiny dogs. Not big ones, not short ones, not tall ones, not mid sized ones, but the ones that are just right for punting! God damn "rats on a lap" are what they are if you ask me!

Rude and shameless creatures. Case and point, disrespecting Bill! He does look good with a stache though...

Once upon a time, when I was 16, I went to my friends house after soccer practice where I was charged by a small, vicious and evil Pomeranian. It was towards the end of soccer season and I was in top form for the finals. Lets just say that within 10 seconds of walking through the front door my foot was covered in fur, the dog stopped barking as it sailed through the air and I was asked to leave by an angry mother whose husband and child applauded me as cried from laughter.
Judging from the size of the bone I could easily punt this lil' fucker at least 30 feet.

Said dog was severely injured from the 15 foot punt and is forever terrified of all Vans Classics.
The root boots that started it all. They are to me what steel toed boots are to skinheads... necessary and deadly!

In short, keeping those fucking suburban rats out of my sight! I will not hesitate to strike again...


Monday, April 12, 2010

The Joys of Life

There are few things that make me laugh like watching a portly person enjoying a large meal, listening to other people's misfortune or doling out an extremely rude and uncalled for remark. Having said that, please allow me to display these 3 sick and simple joys from which I often derive much laughter from and you be the judge...

1. Portly Porker Chowing

She's loving it and there's no stoping her!

Double wide for double the fun!

2. One Man's Misfortune is Another Man's Comedy

I think this is an anology for his life...

You know your day is off to a bad start when you get thrown out of a moving vehicle...

3. Rude And Uncalled For

Take Jeff and Bob for example:

Jeff: Hello Bob! How was your weekend?
Bob: Nothing special, just played a quick 9 holes with the Bill and Jim.
Jeff: You play with those guys? Aren't they a pair of quee?
Bob: Suck my cock, I'll murder your family!

Such grace and eloquence with his words...

Final Thoughts:

In short, life is full of comedy. Often, in the most unexpected of places. Keep your eyes peeled and don't be afraid to laugh at what you think is funny, others might think it's funny too. So be loud, be proud...FTW!